Je ne suis plus à –
Came in with light
Beams that grew from your chest
And made stars where once was wallpaper,
And they stretched and swayed
As you swayed into me, stretching the
Sensitivity I let you explore.
Those beams, they punctured the air,
Leaving me gasping for it,
And danced in the shadows
I had hidden somewhere
Between the cracks in my ribcage.
But they changed, my love,
I saw not that your beams grew from shadows long
Buried in yourself, too,
And those beams grew in links,
Creating chains around what you saw in me
And had once seen in yourself.
You didn’t see the man I saw,
The man that catches stars in the pools of his pupils –
But then, the danger of stars is they make the darkness beautiful.
You slid to a halt and cut me short
As I tried to move, as I have always done,
And as our distance became greater
Your grip became colder
And your beams felt like cold clay around my neck
Modelling my voice to reflect your own,
Pushing and prodding and ripping apart
What you try to avoid in yourself
Every time your gaze is drawn to the bottle neck.
Do not try and drown my potential with yours:
I was not made to reflect you,
A trophy of your worth;
I was made to be me.
Trophies are hollow
And you tried to gouge my light out
To find your own somewhere else,
And just by you being here,
I now know that love is not enough
When all the lights go out.